Advise and Resent

January 13, 2009

His Most Perfect Excellency
Barack Hussein Obama
Washington, D.C. 20500

Kindest Sir,

I confess in advance that I hoped that I would not have to make an entreaty to you on any wise. Doubtless, I assured myself that the words "President" and "Obama" would never be in close proximity (let alone used in the same sentence.) I pray that you will forgive my impudence, and that you, my beneficent liege, will grant me your bended ear for a fleeting moment. Even at this hour, your courtiers prepare to make straight the way to your throne. Seeking neither to delay nor impede you, my wish is only advise you, that you might rule wisely.

If I keep that supplicatory tone up much longer, I think I'll throw up in my mouth. Nevertheless, I do intend to give you a bit of admittedly unsolicited advice - worth everything you will pay for it. As you have already received a great deal of equal parts low-cost and low-grade counsel (case in point), I don't expect that you will direct much attention to this missive. Regardless - the better to say "I told you so" when you, perforce, ignore me - I will grant you the full measure of my erudition.

1) Guard your left flank - You have and will continue to take flack from the inconsolable masses on the leftmost fringe of your party (even as you have done much during your campaign to raise their expectations.) Everything from your choice of Rick Warren to deliver a prayer at your inauguration to your Cabinet selections to your promise of tax cuts as part of you stimulus package will be scrutinized by the "Moonbats", and taken as a sign of insufficient fealty to their cause.

You might as well stop trying to kowtow to them, as nothing you can do short of substituting the Constitution for the Communist Manifesto will suffice. You would be well-served by simply ignoring MoveOn.org, et al. They won't go away, but they are a relatively insignificant force in comparison to the center-right voting bloc that (inexplicably) gave you a colossal benefit of the doubt.

2) Bring the drama - As a campaigner, you have created a reputation for being sublimely unflappable (i.e.: "No Drama Obama.") Being a cool customer was a great strategy when going against the mercurial John McCain. Where Sen. McCain appeared too unsteady to lead the nation in uncertain times, your apparent steadiness of purpose provided the gravitas that your resume could not. Predictably, what enabled your implausible candidacy over the last two years will not sustain you for the next four as President.

As war and recession eat away at your patina and reveal the tedium of your speechifying, Americans will no longer be distracted by your platitudes, however hypnotically delivered. They will need the sense that you are engaged in their struggles as a co-sufferer. Don't be afraid to get mad or blink back a tear as circumstances require. After all, you - like every autarch worth his salt - will need some sound and fury as part of your repertoire. There are still enough Republicans in D.C. and elsewhere (not the least of which, yours truly) to flog should the need arise. Bring out the straw men and beat them soundly from your bully pulpit.

3) Show 'em who's boss - For not having set foot behind the desk in the Oval Office, you have had to deal with more than your share of distractions (e.g.: Gov. Bill Richardson's withdrawing his name from consideration for Commerce Secretary.) As the fallout from "Blago-gate" in particular continues to disperse, I am struck by how little control you exert over events in Washington. For being the titular head of the Democrats, your co-conspirators - particularly Sen. Harry Reid - have shown the most meager amount of deference, and in the case of Reid, yielding to your opinion only after he has made an ass of himself. The sage of Searchlight seems determined to stand in opposition to you even as he is impotent in getting his own agenda accomplished.

And Reid is hardly the only looming threat. Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi, just to name a few, each seem poised to make their own special brand of mischief. All of them will need to know your wrath - and the sooner, the better. (See item 2.)

As I said earlier, this advice is worth exactly what you paid for it, if not slightly less. I will not be hurt or offended in the least if you do not avail yourself of my guidance; indeed, It would suit me just as well if you do exactly the opposite. Do as you wish, but you cannot say that you weren't warned.

Finally, please always remember that I will be watching. Beyond that, I suspect that I'll.Be.LOL@U.

As always, I am,



Walter Grandberry
Matters of Manner and Type